Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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