your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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