I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
