For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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