just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize