After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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