Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
