so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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