You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
