"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
