you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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