Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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