have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
