Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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