Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
