If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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