not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
be right there i have to get my cape
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
