"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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