i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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