"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
