This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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