hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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