"it" just moved
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
