She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
