Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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