Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
