hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
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