I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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