Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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