I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
