I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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