I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
