literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I need a burrito and a hug.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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