Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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