Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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