Betty ford says i'm here all night
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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