Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
did i just pee glitter
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
