I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
