DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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