thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
