Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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