I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
