Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
