My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
