i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
