So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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