Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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