sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
