Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
