I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
babies were throwing up all over the place
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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