i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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