she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
