I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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