Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
