I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
