Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
