Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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