I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
