Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
