Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
