we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
