When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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