Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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