He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
