Duck Duck Cougar?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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