who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
