I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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