she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
