they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
