In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
