Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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