Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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