dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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