I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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