You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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