dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
