just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
