How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
