this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize