i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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