He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize