Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
