end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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